Raise a healthy child who is a joy to feedFollow the Division of Responsibility in Feeding
When you follow the Satter Division of Responsibility in Feeding (sDOR), your child will become and remain capable with eating. sDOR encourages you to take leadership with the what, when, and where of feeding and let your child determine how much and whether to eat of what you provide. sDOR applies at every stage in your child’s growing-up years, from infancy through the early years through adolescence. sDOR says to feed your baby on demand, letting him determine the timing and tempo of feeding. As he develops and becomes more regular in his eating patterns, you gradually take on responsibility for when and where to feed. Most children are ready to join in with the meals-plus-snacks routine of family meals by the end of the first year or the beginning of the second year. After that, your job is to maintain the structure of family meals and sit-down snacks throughout your child’s growing-up years. When you do your jobs with feeding, your child will do his with eating.
Your jobs with feeding are to . . .
- Choose and prepare the food.
- Provide regular meals and snacks.
- Make eating times pleasant.
- Step-by-step, show your child by example how to behave at family mealtime.
- Be considerate of your child’s lack of food experience without catering to likes and dislikes.
- Not let your child have food or beverages (except for water) between meal and snack times.
- Let your child grow into the body that is right for him.
Part of your feeding job is to trust your child to . . .
- Eat the amount he needs.
- Learn to eat the food you eat.
- Grow predictably in the way that is right for him.
- Learn to behave well at mealtime.
For a free, printer-ready division of responsibility poster in a size that is right for your office, click here.
When you feed your baby, you are responsible for what your child is offered to eat: Whether she will be breast- or formula fed. She is responsible for everything else: how much, how fast, how frequently.
- Choose breast or formula feeding.
- Help your baby be calm and organized.
- Pay attention to her sleeping, waking, and feeding cues.
- Feed smoothly, paying attention to her cues about timing, tempo, frequency, and amounts.
The Division of Responsibility for introducing your older baby to solid foods is based on what he can do, not how old he is. developmental maturity, not his/her age. Based on his stage in development, you can guide your child’s transition from nipple feeding through semi-solids, then thick-and-lumpy food, and finally to finger food at your family meals.
- You are still responsible for what, and you are becoming responsible for when and where your child is fed.
- Your child is still and always responsible for how much and whether he eats of the foods you offer.
Feeding is parenting
From Child of Mine
Chapter 1; page 4; letters from parents
“I have raised my children according to Ellyn Satter’s guidelines, and their eating habits are so good my coworkers comment on them,” wrote one young mother. Another added, “My son is cautious in all things, and offering him new foods wasn’t much fun at first. If I am careful not to push him, however, I have found he ever so slowly pushes himself along to learn to like new foods. He is so proud when he tries something new!” Parents who are worn out and fed up with generating three or four meals to get their child to eat comment about what a relief it is to them to realize that it isn’t their job to get food into their child. They also are surprised at how much better their children eat when they stop their short-order cooking.”
Structured meals and sit-down snacks are the backbone of the Division of Responsibility in Feeding from the time your child first joins you at family meals until she leaves home. To keep up all the work, you have to enjoy your food. Be considerate without catering with meal planning, but, for the most part, prepare what you enjoy. Even if you worry that your food isn’t very “healthy,” keep in mind that the least healthy meal is tons better than no meal at all! Studies show that family meals are tremendously important. Adults who have regular meals eat better and healthier, no matter their weight. Children and teens who have family meals eat better, feel better about themselves, get along better with other people, and do better in school. They are less likely to gain more weight than is right for them, abuse drugs, smoke, and have sex. In fact, family meals have more to do with raising healthy, happy children than family income, whether the child has one or two parents living in the home, after-school activities, tutors, or church. As children move through the teen years, families are more likely to eat on the run than have meals together. But hang in there! Family meals are important!
Your child wants to eat and he wants to grow up to eat the food you eat. Beyond doing your part with structured, sit-down family meals and snacks, you don’t have to do anything to get it to happen. Just be there and enjoy your own food. Keep in mind that grownup food is all new to your child, and he has to learn. For him, it is like any other skill such as reading or bike riding – he learns it bit by bit, at his own pace, because he wants to, not because it is your idea. He will eat like a child: some days a lot, other days not so much, only one or two foods and not everything at a meal. What he eats one day he ignores the other. Don’t try to pressure your child in any way to eat certain amounts or types of food. Don’t try to get him to eat less than he wants. Such controlling tactics backfire. Instead, relax, enjoy your own meal, and teach your child to behave nicely at mealtime. Sooner of later (for some kids much later) he will eat almost everything you eat.
To prevent feeding feeding problems, follow the Division of Responsibility in Feeding from birth. To solve feeding problems, establish the Division of Responsibility in Feeding that is appropriate for your child’s stage in development. Whether your child is picky, eats too much or too little, or is too fat or too thin, the solution is the same: do your jobs with feeding and let your child do his jobs with eating. Children who are allowed eat on the run eat poorly, are picky, and have trouble growing consistently. They may become fatter or thinner than is right for them. Children who aren’t sure when they will get to eat and whether they will get enough worry about food and eat a lot when they can. Children who are pressured to eat certain amounts and types of food get turned off to those foods and avoid them when they can.
As long as your child’s growth is consistent, it is normal for her, even if it is above the 85th or 95th percentile cutoff points defined by policy makers as constituting child “overweight” or “obesity.” There is a problem if she is growing faster that is right for her: If she suddenly goes up off her growth curve. But even then, dieting is not the answer. Instead, think through the Division of Responsibility in Feeding: Are you doing your jobs with feeding and letting your child do her jobs with eating? Are you restricting your child, or trying to get her to eat more of “slimming” foods? Can you stop interfering with what and how much she eats and, instead, provide her with regular meals and snacks and, at those times, let her eat what and as much as she wants from what you provide? At first she will likely eat more than usual, but then her eating will settle down and she will eat like other children: a lot sometimes, not so much another. Only time will tell whether her weight remains on the same growth curve or drifts downward to follow a lower curve. This is normal weight for her, and you must accept it, feel good about the body she has, and let her do the same. If you try to slim her down, or if she tries to slim herself down, the risk is very high that she will get fatter, not thinner, and she will feel miserable about her weight. For guidance, read Your Child’s Weight: Helping without Harming.