The Feeding Relationship

The feeding relationship between caregiver and child is at the core of Ellyn Satter’s feeding research and life-long work. Satter advocates for a feeding relationship rooted in trust between the parent and the child. This trust model assumes that, when parents provide a supportive, positive eating environment, children will be capable with eating and will grow appropriately.

Many parenting suggestions related to food and nutrition give the opposite framework, rooted in control. Control is best described as telling your child what or how much to eat of certain foods, specific portions, or limiting types or amounts of food offered.

But control undermines trust. It can lead caregivers to lose faith in their feeding abilities and their child’s eating and growth. Trust, on the other hand, sends children the message, “I know you are capable to eat and grow. I’m here to support you.”

Here are the basic building blocks to establish a positive and successful feeding relationship:  

Understand whether the child is a cautious or adventurous learner. Some children will try just about any new food, while others are more hesitant to try new things. 

Provide a pleasurable, safe eating environment with developmentally appropriate foods. This includes understanding your child’s sleep patterns, using child-friendly plates and cups, and knowing when your child is developmentally ready to start solid foods. Misinterpreting developmental cues and the child’s readiness to advance can make feeding harder or more frustrating.

Give children regular opportunities to learn and practice new skills. Whether it is learning to sit at the table, drinking from a cup, or trying new foods, all children are different and learn at their own pace. Some learn quicker than others. Expecting that learning will take time can make all the difference if your child is one who may need more time and practice with certain skills related to food and eating.

Trust that the child is capable of learning to eat a variety of foods and behave well at the table. Developing this sense of trust will help you avoid worrying and interfering. It will help you focus on doing a good job of feeding and parenting, and trust your child to do a good job with eating.